Originally shared by Buddhini Samarasinghe
My head is reeling from the information overload over the past 24 hours. By now many of you would have seen the linked article, calling out an abuser in our community. I’m writing this to say, I believe the authors, I believe the other victims who have come forward, because he did this to me too. I blocked him about 3 years ago and I thought it was just me he did this to but I am heartbroken to see that there are others he similarly abused. It’s terrifying to read that article and see the same thing he did to me done to others. I can’t even begin to explain what that it feels like.
Scott and I worked a lot on Google Hangouts back in 2012/2013. He was a really good friend at first, and as we got close he talked a lot about his problems. I felt really sorry for him. Now I realise how I was manipulated, I feel sick. I even invited this guy to my wedding – ugh.
Towards the end of 2013, as I was unemployed and living off savings while waiting for immigration paperwork to join my husband in the UK, Scott told me how he can’t pay rent and how he doesn’t have any money for food. I offered to lend him some money but he refused, but kept talking about how worried he is. Eventually he said yes and I lent him $1500 from my savings. A few weeks later he needed more money for something else (textbooks I think) so I again lent him another $1500. He said he would pay me back in a month or so when his student loans came in.
Meanwhile because I was so bored waiting in Sri Lanka for my immigration paperwork, I started writing more and more science posts. Scott invited me to partner on his website Know the Cosmos and I happily agreed, expecting us to be equal partners. But it turns out I ended up doing the bulk of the writing for free while he didn’t really contribute much. It stopped feeling like a partnership and we fought a lot. Eventually I successfully pitched my Hallmarks of Cancer series to Scientific American and he was livid. That’s when the emotional abuse really started. Constant arguments and put downs. He would say things like how naive and stupid I was for giving away my writing for free to Scientific American, how this is not the way to do it etc. It’s partly why I wrote this post (https://goo.gl/jJwu7q) to address him and anyone else who questioned my decision to write it for free.
Things just reached a point where we could no longer work together. I remember the last Google Hangout we did together where just before we were supposed to go on air, he yelled at me about something I had done wrong. I was on the verge of tears that whole time, it was awful. But by that time I had moved back to the UK and thanks to a stronger support network around me, I was able to remove him from my life. Before that I sent him several emails asking for my loan back, but he never replied. I gave him a week and then I blocked him on all social media, considering the $3,000 as the price I had to pay to have him out of my life.
I am horrified that there are so many other victims. Chad Haney has a post here (https://goo.gl/UqISLJ) listing some of the others who have come forward. Please share this out, and please warn others. I had no idea he kept doing this after me, and I wish I had said something sooner rather than waiting until now.
I’m going to leave comments open while I am around but lock comments when I am away because I don’t want derails from Scott-apologists.
H/T to Pamela L. Gay and Rugger Ducky for bringing this to my attention.